Conversations with Liza: Home Remedies

It’s Friday. The office has been a little wacky this week. No wonder conversations like these abound:

Liza: Monica says you can put Mylanta on your sunburn, let it dry, and then your sunburn gets better and you get brown.
Me: Really? Huh.
Liza: Also she suggested putting lemon on Kameron’s sty.
Me: WHAT?! But that’s an acid.
Liza: But it didn’t help.
Me: In a group of fairly well-educated adults, nobody thought this was a BAD IDEA?!
Liza: I think it spread more afterwards.

Conversations with Shu: Moi Dix Mois

Shu: You know, of the concerts I went to at AX, the moi dix mois concert was the more interesting:

Me: Is that a woman? A man? Is this goth rock?
Shu: That is a man. He is never out of cross-dress though. It’s like visual kei, but yeah it’s like goth metal.
Me: I mean, it’s interesting -
Shu: -The music is so bad. I hate that music.
Me: -but the music is AWFUL. It’s an assault on my ears I do not appreciate.

Conversations in Writing

(Batting around ideas for a writing project)
Me: What about a sitcom about post-collegiate students?
Remy: Too close to home. I have no desire to be that meta.
Me: We could also do college and set it in the dorm.
Remy: What did I just say?
Me: FINE. Medical drama involving hippies it is.
Remy: Dude you are so weak-willed you shall never conquer the world.
Me: I’m just lulling you into a false sense of security.
Remy: Dude I’m your partner. If we are ever cops and we are partner cops and we drive around in a cop car together and get donuts I will never turn my back to you because you will shoot me in the back of the face and then sprinkle crack on me. Just like you did in Wallace.
Me: Clearly I need to think of a new plan. Well I figured you’d fall for it twice Remy because, you know…
Remy: Jerk.

The Green Little Bug

The following conversation occurred at approximately 9:45 AM this morning between my Columbian officemate and I:

Liza: Michelle, I have something to tell you.
Guess what? Darth Vader is Luke’s father! Can you believe it?

Me: *Laughing hysterically* I’m glad you finally saw the second episode.

Liza: I actually liked it!

Me: Yeah, I think it’s my favorite out of all 3 episodes.

Liza: And then there’s the little bug.

Me: The little bug?

Liza: Yoda.

Me: Oh. My. God.

Liza: The green little bug. And then Yoda said there’s another kid. And I think it’s Leia. So she has the force. So I think that Leia is the second kid.

Me: I guess you’ll just have to watch the next one now.

Liza: And Chewbacca had more to do this movie. He wasn’t just the hairy pilot anymore.

Me: Oh Chewie.

Liza: Chewie…right, his nickname. I think Chewbaccca is my favorite character. Leia’s kind of dramatic. And Han Solo is a jackass. And Luke is always in trouble.

Me: Stop. I have to write this all down.

Liza: Really?

Me: You’re killing me here.

Happy New Year to Old Wives’ Tales

The day before New Year’s Eve:

Me: Have you checked the train schedules? What time are we getting back?
Suz: The last one leaves at 12:10.
Me: So we’d be spending New Year’s Eve, before midnight, on a train?
Suz: Oh. Well that sucks.
Me: That’s bad juju.
Suz: What?
Me: They say how you spend your New Year’s Eve is how you’ll spend the rest of the year.
Suz:…
Me: It’s true! How did you spend your last year?
Suz: I was at a roof party atop Rich’s apartment. It was kind of lame.
Me: And have you had a good year?
Suz: I had an awesome year!
Me: But haven’t you spent a lot of time with Rich this year? And more time with friends than family?
Suz: This sounds like another one of your old wives’ tales.

At least a dozen times between New Year’s Eve and New Year:

Me:  *Mundane comments about the weather or ANY subject*
Suz: I guess that’s what’s going to happen the rest of the year.
Me: *Glare*

Happy New Year everybody!